By Appointment

By contemplating relationships, we can discover connections on a material plane and within the realm of Spirit.  Intimacy as a journey, both emotional and spiritual, has me exploring, studying, and applying teachings to my own life as a soulful living experience.

What I am discovering is that relationship as an action can be quite challenging, especially when in the dynamic of emotional love.  When I meet those around me from my separate egoistic self, I am needing to discern on some level, conscious or not, if I am safe.  This leads to all sorts of tendencies that are often below the surface and manifest as habits.  I have a flair for the dramatic as well, and this can absolutely impact the relational field for better or worse.  Life is teaching me where I am still putting myself out in the world through the lens of concepts and shoulds.  Fear is being discovered as a potent instigator to behaving slightly less than truthfully with myself and sometimes others in more vulnerable moments and exchanges. My beloved partner has gifted me a mirror into myself when he has spoken the words or desires he is imagining that I am afraid to speak; honoring the discomfort of silence is perhaps worse than the edginess of confrontation.

However, in a practice of non-judgment I can recognize this juicy way of emotionally connecting can lead to brilliant polarity, breeding waves of coming together and moving apart. Incredible passion is ignited as two beings become one for a moment in time.  While this fire is brilliant, and has the likely potential to spill out as a radiance in the world, it is still quite superficial compared to learning a path which is much less conditional.

Meeting a friend, a sister, a lover from the space of a spiritual heart, from the realm of devotion, is an experience that is more rare for me.  This is the space in which love simply IS.  Love as a state of being is an internal practice that is a precious teacher for me.  Choosing to recognize my friend, my partner, as an incarnation of the Divine has me giggling with ecstasy and running with resistance at the same time!

For as far back as I can remember I was looking for refuge in another.  There is a sweetness to thinking of those around me as my shelter.  Yet, on the path to deeper intimacy I am learning that this sanctuary must reside within.  From this altar I can find the inspiration in my relationships to open my heart, to shine light on my dark nooks and show me where I am still bound in my conditioning.  This is the furthest thing from what I thought relationship might gift me!

This is what is here now.  A path that offers me the opportunity to leave the wilds of my mind and soften into the luminescence of my heart.  Moving from the dream of what love is into the awakening journey of truthful love is permission to live more fully.  Seeing that I am in relationship all around, it seems an appropriate response to look to these dynamics as teachers, teachings, offerings of sacred fruit.

A sparkle of remembrance is the kindling to keep returning to the practices that ask me to go deeper. Whether it is in relationship with nature, or with space, or those around me, I can choose to dance with my own obstacles, and to courageously get more intimate with the ethereal, with Spirit, and with the divine in their humanness.  In that state of pure love, I open my arms wide.  Yet, this state is still just a glimmer. . . perhaps this is just perfect.




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