What is a conscious relationship? What does it feel like to live with passion? Are you in touch with your own energy of the feminine and the masculine? How do you communicate? Are your efforts creating intimacy? Do you feel understood? Do you feel understanding? How often do your old wounds get in the way of your present circumstances? How much pleasure do you have in your life? How often do you really listen to yourself, and to your partner?
These are the questions I have been sitting with for some time. The answers are an ongoing exploration that is lighting a fire in my most intimate relationship–with myself. I have been asking everyone I know about their experiences in love and in relationships because I am interested in understanding people and partnership. Exploring the path of human loving brings me great joy. It also supports my quest to find wisdom and healing from the places I have suffered. The bonus is that I am choosing to explore this work in collaboration with my beloved partner. We are a living exploration.
What I am learning from my studies and my inquiries is that people are hungry to know more. Why wouldn’t they be? Love is a basic human need. People are excited to talk about these topics, and it is a huge turn on, and simultaneous wake-up call to transform stagnancy in relationship. For seekers of modern day relational intimacy, I have a not so secret discovery. Deepening love requires tools, evolution of skills, committed effort, and courage. It is from this place that we develop the ability to express our needs, and seek support to keep our relationship vital.
While romantic love gifts us a daily dose of gorgeous highs in the form of chemicals flooding our brain, the often disappointing come down can actually be a brilliant opportunity for personal and relational growth. The “how to grow in the power struggle” is something we can learn to soften into. Can we learn to identify the real issues in our relationships versus the symptoms we are manifesting. It seems so much sexier to think of the process of transformation from romance to reverential love as a sacred practice rather than a scary territory or topic that we ought to avoid. All of our interactions, from conflict to play, are meaningful when we train to bring mindful awareness to them.
Deepening our understanding of basic biology, the nervous system, and interpersonal neurobiology has the potential to ease the journey into conscious relationship. Training in empathy, understanding, and compassion, as well as learning to meet your own self, is at the heart of intimacy. Emotional intimacy builds trust, and with trust one is empowered and connected, opening up opportunities for talking about sex and pleasure. With connectivity our capacity to grow as an individual blossoms, and our flowering self can ultimately recognize and appreciate the honor of sharing life with another. It is from this intentional place that our relationships can be enough and they can be more.
The path of love is another practice of awakening. How much attention are you giving to your practices? What might daily life feel like if you were living with intention and willingly stretching yourself into the depths of your relationship? What would it take for you to continually renew your connection to yourself and your relationships? How might this enliven your whole self?