By Appointment

The cycles of life can be experienced in so many forms–Through a breath, the moon, a season, or simply by the Earth’s daily orbit around the sun. Some of these cycles go unnoticed, and others have our full attention.

I wonder when we notice, and why? I am curious who is willing to be in the cycle that includes pain, or exaltation. Perhaps we miss the mundane when we retain a preference for heightened story lines, or we are someone who quickly sweeps under the rug that which pushes our developmental edges.

I believe that if we can open to the blessings of our cycles, especially the more difficult ones, we have the opportunity to learn some intricate lessons in love. My commitment has been to stay attentive to my breath, my moon cycles, and open to my seasons and my own orbit around the sun. In that openness, I have learned that compassion roots when you learn to hold suffering. An abundant moon wakes me to another sweet cycle. This time around I am gifted the opportunity to open a little more, like an egg slowly cracking before birth. The potential shattering of the shell that leads me to love more, grow more, thank more, and ultimately give more.

It is simple to think of our pains and our love as just poetic seasoning to our life, but to meet it and live with it up close and personal is different. A pain I have continually been meeting comes in my experience as a mother of a child who was predicted to die shortly after birth. I have taken the journey of befriending that fear, transforming it into just another possibility, like anything else. I have held my sorrow at accepting that this same precious girl, while here on the Earth, has a different reality than most. I can honor her sameness, but what makes her different has been the cause for many days of sadness. Just this week I took my daughter to her cardiologist and had to visit the reality of her congenital heart defect and the great likelihood of how her life might end. Over the years, these appointments have brought up my wildest fears. The projections always came with heightened internal drama and emotion. The reality is: my child will complete her cycle just like a breath, or a season, or the moon. And the same way that I have learned to accept those aspects of nature, I was able to soften into hers in a new kind of way. I left her appointment feeling at ease and with an abundance of faith in the natural world. It was through the meeting of pain, that I was able to yield.

Amazingly, in just one season, my divorce was finalized, and still I am meeting the tender trials that accompany that cycle’s completion. I witnessed the union of my dear brother and his new wife, and celebrated the first year of my business. I said goodbye to one grandfather and I currently face the imminent passing of my other beloved pop pop. There will always be an opportunity to experience what feels good and what is more difficult to integrate.

In that expansion, and with a practice to meet vulnerability, I am asking the questions of how to receive both pain and generous love, with presence. In an attempt to answer some of my own inquiries, I am learning that with age, practice and experience, answers do come to some of these more challenging questions. And I also have so humbly learned that the questions themselves are an intimate aspect to a journey of authenticity. Staying mindful of the daily cycles and the teachings that come with each turning, abundance is revealed.

In the cultivation of a commitment to meet my own inevitable life cycles and the accompanied wisdom, I am also learning to meet others on their journey with presence, and full heart. I am grateful to know that I can feel and know pain, with love. And I know that this commitment does not make me a warrior of suffering or pride, but a human open to living with abundance, joy and incredible gems of sweet teachings!

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